10 Years Later

Of course I remember where I was, what I was doing and the emotions and disbelief that filled my soul.  10, 20 or 50 years later, that will never change.  The tears I've shed watching the television the last two days are as if I was transported right back to that moment.  It will not change.  It can't be undone. 

As we go through life, many things happen that we wish we could just turn back time and warn people about impending disaster.  If we could would they believe us?  If someone told me on September 10, 2001 that within 24 hours we would be attacked by terrorists and thousands would die, I would have laughed and called them crazy.  No one could ever breach the defense of this country.  Well, it did happen and there isn't anything that anyone can do about it.  

So what now? 

We go on with life.  A new appreciation for life.  Love your life and the people in it.  The stories of bravery and humanity that come out of this disaster have lived for 10 years and I pray that they live on for hundreds or thousands of years after this.  My favorite quote from this weekend was made by Joe Biden, of all people, at the memorial for flight 93 in Shanksville, PA.  He was quoting something his mother told him many times when he was young.  She would tell him that courage lies in every heart and some day it will be summoned.  That's a quote that I will keep with me.

May God comfort the families and friends who suffered the loss of life on that dark day 10 years ago.
Never forget the bravery.
Never forget the sacrifice.

9/11/01 ~ NEVER FORGET

The End of an Era

Tomorrow is the first day of school in our area.  I'm sending three beautiful girls off to school.  My oldest starts high school tomorrow.  Even though she is holding her head high, I know she is scared.  My middle girl is starting 2nd grade and my youngest is beginning her journey with kindergarten.  It all happened so fast.  I have no idea where the time has gone.
My goal with eating raw is to live healthier and LOSE WEIGHT.  In high school I weighed 125lbs and had a very athletic body.  My children have never seen me like that, nor could they imagine me like that.  The other day I was school shopping with the two youngest.  My 5 yr old looked at me and said, "Mommy you are getting skinny!" really loud, right in the middle of the store.  I was proud of myself for losing weight and proud of her for noticing.
I haven't gotten along with my 14 yr old for a while.  It's been something that I just brush off because I know she's at that age where everything I say is stupid.  I have realized that since I've been losing weight, she has been communicating with me.  I've always known that my weight embarrasses her.  I just didn't realize that it was so bad for her that it actually affected our relationship.  I'm starting to see that is the case.  I can't blame her for being that shallow.  She's only 14 years old.  All she thinks about right now are looks and style.  So at least twice a week, I update her on my weight loss.  I can tell that she is happy about it and proud of me.
This fall marks the end of an era.  Actually, the end of two eras.  I will never have another child in preschool, all my babies are in school starting tomorrow.  Secondly, I will never let myself get that overweight again.  This summer has been a turning point in my life.  I know that all my children love me.  I'm not doing this for them, I'm doing it for me.  Their approval and pride in me is, however, an added bonus.

Big Day Tomorrow

I have a second interview at a local cancer center.  I had my first interview with them on Friday.  This is HUGE!  I'm so nervous.  It's a clinical interview so I will be working with the therapists and helping them treat patients.  I will be glad to be around patients again.  I truly love what I do.  I'm just so nervous about the fact that I have to impress everyone again tomorrow.  Probably an interview with the Dr too. 

I have been on a green smoothie feast for 2 days now.  My first goal is 10 days.  If I make it there and feel as good as I do now then I will continue for 30 days.  Who knows how long I can keep this up.  I just want to be healthy.  I drink 3 - 5 large smoothies a day.  I feel surprisingly satisfied.  I feel so healthy right now.  I see the raw food lifestyle as something I can hold onto and be proud of it.

No Stopping Me Now!

So I woke up today and weighed myself.  It's a big day.  I finally broke that 200lb mark that I've been sitting at for a week.  I officially weigh less than 200lb for the first time in about twelve years.  Yay me!  I have yo yo dieted for the past 14 years.  Only once did I get past 200 in fact I got down to 175 but that was on the Atkins Diet.  There's no way I could eat like that for the rest of my life.  It all came back roll by roll.  I've been close to 200 before.  I even have a WW card that says 201 on it from 5 years ago.  Last year I got down to 203 on Sparkpeople.  Each time I got close to 200 it was like I hit a boiling point and went back to my old way of eating.  YUCK!  For me it seems as if 200 has been the Sabotage mile marker for me.

Well not this time!  I love the way I'm eating.  I don't want to stop here.  This is the only "diet" that I can honestly call a "lifestyle".  Raw Foodism is the best thing that's every happened to me.  I feel radiant.  I feel vibrant.  I feel lighter!

Miserable Night at Work

What a miserable night at work.  I hate my job but am thankful to have it right now.  I work part time at a shoe store in the mall.  That is NOT what I spent the last 4 years in college to do but that's what's available to me now. 

People are pigs.  I found a dirty diaper and a half eaten sub when I was straightening up tonight.  If you are like that at home fine.  But seriously, people come out in public and expect me to pick up this mess.  Hey, if you get ten pairs of shoes off the shelves, at least make an effort to put them back.  I don't pick up after my children like that!

Whenever anyone is in a customer service, hospitality or retail job, it seems as if there is a certain percentage of the population who automatically thinks that you are subservient to them.  It's not the people who you'd think would act this way either. 

Oh yeah and I'm going to say that if you knew what I knew (and see every day) you'd never buy a pair of shoes again.  People sliding their dirty, nasty, unsocked foot into every shoe they can get there hands on.  Yuck!  That's all I can say!

If You Could See Me Now

Before I start on this post, let me be very clear.  There will be no picture!

I got home tonight at 9pm ready to run upstairs and read.  I checked email and FB first.  Before I could grab my book, my hubby came in to go to bed and turned out the light.  I guess I'm not reading my book.  Okay I guess I will hang out in the wide world of internet for a while. 

Next, the two smaller Smalls came into our room.  I'm scared, I feel sick, it's too hot in our room...and so on.  I'm sure you get the picture.  The tallest of the Smalls is downstairs watching a movie.  I'm not going to just kick her out after we told her she could hang out down there.  So I decide that I'm going into the kid's bedroom for some peace and quiet. 

I grab my computer and book and head in.  It's a mess (I know what my kids will be doing tomorrow).  I can't just sit on their beds with a computer or book.  Way too uncomfortable and the lighting is not right for reading.  So I kick debris aside and grab the video game chair.  It's one of those rocker chairs that's low to the ground.  I place it in between the two twin beds and am sitting here typing away. 

I do look ridiculous but at least it's quiet!

Wordless Wednesday

 

Linking up with Wordless Wednesday

For the past 4 years I have been immersed in college.  My life was school work.  Well now that it is over, I don't have that looming workload over my head constantly.  I can do things like read, crochet, knit and other relaxing projects.  About a week ago Alex asked me to make her a blanket.  I couldn't say no to her so guess what the current project is?  It's a blanket / afghan.

Here's the beginning of my project after one 7 oz skein of yarn.  It is 46 inches wide and 11 inches tall.  I am guessing that I will be using approximately 3 lbs of yarn because I want it to be on the bigger side so that the blanket is something that she can grow with.

I'm using worsted weight yarn, a J hook and a slanted shell stitch pattern.  I started with a chain of 172.  You have to chain a multiple of 5 then add 2.  This is a link to a tutorial for the slanted shell stitch pattern.  I've used this stitch pattern before for blankets.  It is very durable.

Luci saw this and likes it so much that I have to make her one too.  If I make one for the two then I have to make one for my oldest daughter.  Maybe I'll be done by Christmas?  My hands are going to be busy for a while!

Science Center Fun

 

So the Smalls love to go to the Science Center.  We have a family membership which is reciprocal at two local science centers and a museum within an hour drive.  Here is a picture of Alex at one of the exhibits.  Fun day for the whole family!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Sundays mean two things to me right now...Church and Coupons!  Let's start with church.

I love my church (which is the way it should be).  I go to http://vineyardny.org/ .  Their motto is "Come as you are and be loved."  I know that is the way it should be at all churches, but in my experience, that is not the case.  This church lives it 100%.  I feel as though I could walk into that church regardless of any situation going on in my life and I am going to feel love.  I am fortunate to go there each week and share a community with the people there.  The service is uplifting.  The people are happy.  It truly inspires me to be a better person every time I come away from service and I am grateful for it.

I also clip coupons on Sundays and check out weekly deals at each store in town.  I love couponing and come away with many great deals (several are usually free) each week.  It is an art and a challenge to find the best possible deal each week.  I never thought I'd see myself enjoying this so much.  When I come out of a store with loads of items and pay a minimal amount for them, I feel like a conqueror of sorts.  What am I conquering?  Who knows.  All I know is that I'm sick of these large retailers taking what little money I have right now.  If they have a coupon policy that enables me to get free items, then I will take advantage!

Sundays are going to change very soon because I am ready for some FOOTBALL!  I imagine I will somehow clip coupons while watching football after getting home from church.  These will make for some VERY happy days!

Yes, I'm Still Alive

I haven't been around because...
I haven't written because...
Truth is that my chaos has not been balanced.

What has gone on in my life in the last several years?  School, school and more school.  But guess what?  I have officially graduated.  I have a Bachelor's in Radiation Therapy.  I successfully passed my boards.  I now have letters after my name.  I love what I do :)

Just one problem with it all... I NEED A JOB!  Yes, unfortunately, this poor economy has even affected healthcare.  I continue to have faith.  I will get a job soon.  I just have to be patient. 

Other news:  I have an oldest daughter starting high school, a middle daughter starting 2nd grade and my youngest starting kindergarten.  My youngest is way ahead of the game.  She decided to start reading this summer. 

I started a raw food diet and I love it!  I've lost 20lbs and feel great.  I will be posting more on this later. 

Since I don't have a job and I'm no longer in school, I have all this extra time.  I've been reading, crocheting and knitting.  I'm going to post more on this blog as well.  Two of my children (the ones that still love me) asked me to knit them blankets.  I only knit clothes.  A blanket would take me 8 years.  By that time they would hit "the dark teenage years" and wouldn't care about me or the blankets so I decided that crochet would be a much better idea.  It just goes quicker. 

I promise I'm going to change the look of this blog as well.  Someone commented that it needed to be done so I'm going to see if I can do so without messing everything up.  I'll give it a whirl.  I'm thinking something brighter.  We'll see what I can come up with.  Of course, I have to go to one of those free template sights because I'm just not that technologically talented. 

Signed,

Kimberly (LastName Goes Here), RT(T)

Close of the Summer

I'm trying to adjust my mental thought dials from "on vacation" to "back to school". There's a lot of change going on around here right now.

I just had my gall bladder out on Thursday. It wasn't near as painful as I thought it would be. I haven't had any problems and have enjoyed the pain medication. I still can't sleep on my bed because it is too firm which causes pain. I've been camping out on the couch watching the Olympics every night. Michael Phelps' gold medal sweep has kept me thoroughly entertained.

Monica is going back to school. I will not let her go to the public school here so she will be attending a private school. It was just a high school but they aquired a new building and have added grades 6 - 8. I'm very excited for her. She wanted to go back to a "brick and mortar" school. We've been homeschooling for the last two years. She's not excited about having to wear uniforms but I know that this school will be the best for her. They have thirty children enrolled in the middle school grades and six teachers dedicated to those middle school students. That is an excellent ratio if you ask me. I loved homeschooling Monica and will miss it so much. I just don't want to force her to do it if she doesn't want to right now. Who knows what the future holds? She may decide that she wants to homeschool again. I would take her back with open arms if she hates this new school. I don't think that will be the case though.

Alexandra and Lucianna will be going to daycare full time. Alex has done this before and is excited. Lucianna has never been in daycare outside the home. Everyone keeps telling me she will be fine and it may even be good for her. I hope they are right. I'm always very skeptical about daycare.

I will be starting school with a heavy course load. I am also vice president of the student body. I still chuckle everytime I say it. At first I became involved in school to prove my leadership abilities and be a good role model for the girls. Now I'm having a blast and I like being involved in extracurricular activities. I also hold offices in the Non Traditional Student Club and Phi Theta Kappa. It's a lot of work but a lot of fun.

It Happened!

Okay, so it happened and I don't even know when. I am officially old! I just looked through a "fashion" magazine and did not see one single thing that I liked. Not that I've ever been into fashion or anything, but not ONE SINGLE OUTFIT was even remotely appealing.

And I Thought that I've Had Bad Days.....

I Am Done....For Now!

I have come to the end of another semester at college. It has been very crazy this last month. I don't think I have ever worked so hard on anything in my life. The end comes at a good time because I am very tired.

Full time college, homeschooling my children, taking care of my children...., making sure that everything is done that needs to be done. Yes, it was all a little much but I succeeded in not only getting everything done, but doing it well. Everyday I remind myself that everything I do is to improve the quality of our lives.

This summer is dedicated to my family. Since September they have supported my endeavor to go back to college. I am off until September so this summer we are going to have fun!

Uplifting Movie Quote

Your life is an occasion, rise to it!

- Mr. Edward Magorium, Avid Shoe Wearer
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium

In Honor of Earth Day

The Lorax by Dr. Suess

At the far end of town, where the Grickle-grass grows
and the wind smells slow-and-sour when it blows
and no birds ever sing excepting old crows...
is the Street of the Lifted Lorax.

And deep in the Grickle-grass, some people say,
if you look deep enough you can still see, today,
where the Lorax once stood, just as long as it could
before somebody lifted the Lorax away.

What WAS the Lorax? And why was it there?
And why was it lifted and taken somewhere
from the far end of town where the Grickle-grass grows?
The old Once-ler still lives here.
Ask him. HE knows.

You wont see the Once-ler. Dont knock at his door.
He stays in his Lerkim on top of his store.
He lurks in his Lerkim, cold under the roof,
where he makes his own clothes
out of miff-muffered moof.

And on special dank midnights in August,
he peeks out of the shutters
and sometimes he speaks
and tells how the Lorax was lifted away.

He'll tell you, perhaps...
if you're willing to pay.

On the end of a rope he lets down a tin pail
and you have to toss in fifteen cents and a nail
and the shell of a great-great-great
grandfather snail.

He pulls up the pail,
makes a most careful count
to see if you've paid him the proper amount.

Then he hides what you pay him
away in his Snuvv,
his secret strange hole in his gruvvulous glove.

Then he grunts, "I will call you by Whisper-ma-Phone,
for the secrets I tell are for your ears alone."

"SLUPP!"
Down slupps the Whisper-ma-Phone to your ear
and the Once-ler's whispers are not very clear,
since they have to come down
through a snergelly hose,
and he sounds as if he had
smallish bees up his nose.

"Now I'll tell you," he says,
with his teeth sounding gray,
"how the Lorax got lifted and taken away...
It all started back...
such a long, long time back...


Way back in the days when the grass was still green
and the pond was still wet
and the clouds were still clean
and the song of the Swomee-Swans rand out into space...
one morning, I came to this glorious place.
And I first saw the trees!
The Truffula Trees!
The bright-colored tufts of the Truffula trees!
Mile after mile in the fresh morning breeze.

And, under the trees, I saw Brown Bar-ba-loots
frisking about in their Bar-ba-loot suits
as they played in the shade and ate Truffula Fruits.

From the rippulous pond
came the comfortable sound
of the Humming-Fish humming
while splashing around.

But those TREES!
Those TREES!
THOSE TRUFFULA TREES!
All my life I've been searching
for trees such as these.
The touch of their tufts was much softer than silk
And they had the sweet smell Of fresh butterfly milk.

I felt a great leaping
of joy in my heart.
I knew just what I'd do!
I unloaded my cart.

In no time at all, I had built a small shop.
Then I chopped down a Truffula Tree with one chop.
And with great skillful skill and with great speedy speed,
I took the soft tuft. And I knitted a Thneed!

The instant I'd finished, I heard a GA-ZUMP!
I looked.
I saw something pop out of the stump
of the tree I'd chopped down.
It was sort of a man.
Describe him?...That's hard.
I don't know if I can.

He was shortish. And oldish.
And brownish. And mossy.
And he spoke with a voice that was sharpish and bossy.

"Mister!" he said with a sawdusty sneeze,
"I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.
I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.
And I'm asking you, sir, at the top of my lungs"--
he was very upset as he shouted and puffed--
"What's that THING you've made out of my Truffula tuft?"

"Look, Lorax," I said. "There's no call for alarm.
I chopped just one tree. I am doing no harm.
I'm being quite useful. This thing is a Thneed.
A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!
It's a shirt. It's a sock. It's a glove. It's a hat.
But it has OTHER uses. Yes, far beyond that.
You can use it for carpets. For pillows! For sheets!
Or curtains! Or covers for bicycle seats!"

The Lorax said,
"Sir! You are crazy with greed.
There is no one on earth
who would buy that fool Thneed!"

But the very next minute I proved he was wrong.
For, just at that minute, a chap came along,
and he thought that the Thneed I had knitted was great.
He happily bought it for three ninEty-eight

I laughed at the Lorax, "You poor stupid guy!
You never can tell what some people will buy."

"I repeat," cried the Lorax,
"I speak for the trees!"

"I'm busy," I told him.
"Shut up, if you please."

I rushed 'cross the room, and in no time at all,
built a radio-phone. I put in a quick call.

I called all my brothers and uncles and aunts
and I said, "Listen here! Here's a wonderful chance
for the whole Once-ler Family to get mighty rich!
Get over here fast! Take the road to North Nitch.
Turn left at Weehawken.
Sharp right at South Stitch."

And, in no time at all, in the factory i built,
the whole Once-ler Family was working full tilt.
We were all knitting Thneeds just as busy as bees,
to the sound of the chopping of Truffula Trees.

Then..
Oh! Baby! Oh!
How my business did grow!
Now, chopping one tree
at a time was too slow.

So I quickly invented my Super-Axe-Hacker
which whacked off four Tuffula Trees at one smacker.
We were making Thneeds
four times as fast as before!
And that Lorax?...
HE didn't show up anymore.

But the next week
he knocked on my new office door.

He snapped, "I'm the Lorax who speaks for the trees
which you seem to be chopping as fast as you please.
But I'm ALSO in charge of the Brown Bar-ba-loots
who played in the shade in their Bar-ba-loot suits
and happily lived, eating Truffula Friuts.

"NOW...thanks to your hacking my trees to the ground,
there's not enough Truffula Fruit to go 'round.
And my poor Bar-ba-loots are all getting the crummies
because they have gas, and no food, in their tummies!

"They loved living here. But I can't let them stay.
They'll have to find food. And I hope that they may.
Good luck, boys," he cried. And he sent them away.

I, the Once-ler, felt sad
as I watched them all go.
BUT...
business is business
And business must grow
regardless of crummies in tummies, you know.

I meant no harm.
I most truly did not.
But I had to grow bigger. So bigger I got.

I biggered my factory. I biggered my roads.
I biggered my wagons.
I biggered the loads of the Theends I shipped out.
I was shipping them forth to the South! To the East!
To the West! To the North!
I went right on biggering...selling more Thneeds.
And I biggered my money, which everyone needs.

Then AGAIN he came back!
I was fixing some pipes
when that old-nuicence Lorax came back
with MORE gripes.

"I am the Lorax," he coughed and he whiffed.
He sneezed and he snuffled. He snarggled. He sniffed.
"Once-ler!" he cried with a cruffulous croak.
"Once-ler! You're making a smogulous smoke!
My poor Swomee-Swans...why, they can't sing a note!
No one can sing who has smog in his throat.

"And so," said the Lorax,
"--please pardon my cough--
they cannot live here.
So I'm sending them off.

"Where will they go now?... I dont hopefully know.
They may have to fly for a month...or a year...
To escape from the smog you've smogged-up around here.

"What's more," snapped the Lorax. (His dander was up.)
"Let me say a few words about Gluppity-Glupp.
Your machinery chugs on, day and night without stop
making Gluppity-Glupp. Also Schloppity-Schlopp.
And what do you do with this leftover goo?
I'll show you, you dirty old Once-ler man, you!

You're Glumping the pond where the Humming-Fish hummed!
No more can they hum, for their gills are all gummed.
So, I'm sending them off. Oh, thier future is dreary.
They'll walk on their fins and get woefully weary
in search of some water that isn't so smeary."

And then I got mad.
I got terribly mad.
I yelled at the Lorax, "Now listen here, Dad!
All you do is yap-yap and say 'Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"
Well, I have my rights, sir, and I;m telling YOU
I intend to go on doing just what I do!
And, for your information, you Lorax, I'm figgering
on biggering,
and Biggering
and BIGGERING
and BIGGERING,
turning MORE Truffula Trees into Thneeds
which everyone, EVERYONE, EVERYONE needs!"

And at that very moment, we heard a loud whack!
From outside in the fields came a sickening smack
of an axe on a tree. Then we heard the tree fall.
The very last Tuffula Tree of them all!

No more trees. No more Thneeds. No more work to be done.
So, in no time, my uncles and aunts, every one,
all waved good-bye. They jumped into my cars
and drove away under the smoke (or smog)-smuggered stars.

Now all that was left 'neath the bad-smelling sky
was my big empty factory...
the Lorax...
and I.

The Lorax said nothing. Just gave me a glance...
just gave me a very sad, sad backward glance...
as he lifted himself by the seat of his pants.

And I'll never forget the grim look on his face
when he heisted himself and took leave of this place,
through a hole in the smog, without leaving a trace.

And all that the Lorax left here in this mess
was a smaLl pile of rocks, with one word... "UNLESS."
Whatever THAT meant, well, I couldn't guess.

That was long, long ago.
But each day since that day
I've sat here and worried and worried away.
Through the years, while my buildings have fallen apart,
I've worried about it with all of my heart.

"But NOW," says the Once-ler,
"Now that YOU'RE here,
the word of the Lorax seems perfectly clear.

UNLESS someone like you
cares a whole awful lot,
nothing is going to get better.
It's not.

"SO...
Catch!" calls the Once-ler.
He lets something fall.
"Its a Truffula Seed.
It's the last one of all!

You're in charge of the last of the Truffula Seeds.
And Truffula Trees are what everyone needs.
Plant a new Truffula. Treat it with care.
Give it clean water. And feed it fresh air.
Grow a forest. Protect it from axes that hack.
Then the Lorax and all of his friends may come back."

A Quote From Mr. Faulkner

Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors.
Try to be better than yourself.

-William Faulkner

Sick

Our family has gone through some trying times here lately to say the least. Everything that comes our way, we seem to get over the "speed bump" as we like to call it. There have been bigger and more frequent "speed bumps" lately.

On top of everything, I have had hypertension. It's really high and over the last month I've been on 4 different medications. We finally found one that works. I have been through a whole slew of blood tests which turned out fine. I have had blood and protein in my urine so my doctor ordered an ultrasound for my kidneys. It showed a mass/lesions on my left kidney.

I go in for a CT scan tomorrow morning. This is the first time in my life that I have been truly scared for my family's future. Everytime I turn around something threatens the dream I have of beating the odds and being that family that stays together and growing old with my husband.

Politically Incorrect Sign!