Monday, October 02, 2006

A New Journey -- Plan Unknown But the Purpose is There

I have posted about Lucianna having a medical problem with one of her feet. She cannot flex the foot or toes back. The problem is bigger than we first expected. Now her unaffected leg is growing with the rest of her body but the other leg is lagging behind. At 6 months old her one leg is already 3/4 of an inch longer than the other. The foot on that leg is also smaller.

I know the journey ahead of us is a long one. I also know that God has a plan for Lucianna. I don't know why Luci has this affliction. I do know that she will do something great. It is all a part of God's plan. I do not know what God's plan for Lucianna is today and I may never know. I'm sure if I did know what God's plan was I would mess it up somehow by thinking I have a better way.

I know God could and will heal Lucianna if it is His will. There have been many prayers for her. Would Luci serve her purpose for God if she were born completely healthy and whole? Probably not. As a mother, if I had the ability to heal her against God's will, would I? I would like to say that I am a woman that follows God's will all the time. You know and I know that would be a bold faced lie. I strive to follow God's will all the time but don't always succeed. Back to the question. If I had the opportunity to save my child all the future pain and heartache, even though it's not the will of God, would I? I don't know. Probably not, but maybe I would. Honestly, the inner turmoil and the fighting I'd do with myself to follow God's will would be life changing.

I am fortunate to be a chosen child of God. I don't think I could handle this without faith in God. I have a lot of faith that Lucianna will be okay. I really do think she will do something so great that I can't even imagine.

Even though I have faith, I still waiver. I cry when I think about other children making fun of her and the heartache that will cause for her. I also am heartbroken when I think of her not being able to run with the other children. I just keep in mind that there is a purpose for this. It is not an accident or luck of the draw.

Even for all the heartache to come I know there will be a matching happiness and joy. It will be something special that I will have never experienced with the other two girls.

God has a plan and a purpose. The purpose is there but the plan is unknown.

1 comment:

Sally said...

praying for both of you Kim- this I do know- God gives us strength in the tough stuff!